Today is weird. It was a year ago that our world turned upside down. Yesterday was acutally harder for me, as it was a Thursday last year. Today is just weird. I'm remembering what I was doing last year this time- in my housecoat still in bed at B2's, listing of everything we owned and going through the bags and bags of clothes that people kindly gave us. I still think of their generosity every time I wear one of my hand-me-downs, although I don't know who most of it came from. The last year has been awesome, and I wouldn't trade it (except maybe for some days in the trailer- hee hee). But it was a hard time. It will always be there, I suspect. Some people just get it. A good friends told me yesterday she'd been thinking of me all day. Others don't even remember that it's been a year. Which doesn't bother me- it's not their life, so I realize it doesn't affect them nearly so much. But those who remember without me saying anything. Who know that in some ways I still miss the way things were. Not that I'm ungrateful. We are so blessed, and without the fire, I don't know that we'd be adopting.
The worst of it is the irrational fear lurking that it will happen again. Today. It's not consuming me, but it's there. We have to go out later today, and just as when we went out yesterday, I am quietly wondering if the house will still be here when we get back. Silly, I realize. But it's just knowing that stuff like this can happen when you least expect it. Not that I am not trusting- I know that if anything like that were to happen again, God would provide, but I don't really want to go there again.
I will be glad when today is over. Vacaion comes next week, and we are all looking forward to a break. The last time we went away, we were in our old house, oblivious to what the year would bring. I don't even want to guess at what this year will bring- it'll be great, but I know that my speculation wouldn't even come close to the mark. I'll just hang on and enjoy the ride.